A Coffee Shop Conversation
ByI was wanting to practice a new string of Natural Selling dialogue questions this last week and decided a good place to do so would be one of the many coffee shops we have here in Vancouver.
So with my cup of tea and chocolate cake I found a place on a stool that faced outward to the street to watch the people passing buy (intended pun!). I also made sure there was an empty stool on each side of me!
Then… in the words of Franz Kafka, that famous Austrian/Czech philosopher and poet… I became “quiet, still and solitary”… and waited for the world to “roll in ecstasy” at my feet… while enjoying the chocolate cake of course!
Kafka was right when he continued with the words… “It has no choice. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked”, because sure enough, two minutes later a lady turned up.
“Is this seat taken?” she asked
“It’s about to be” I replied with a smile, “By you!”
The late Victor Borge said that “the shortest distance between two people was a smile” and he was right as well. It appears all my favorite philosophers are right… that’s what philosophers are for aren’t they… to make sure we understand the real truth?
Anyway, I digress… which is always fun to do when you know you’re going to get to your destination anyway!
Getting into conversation with her I tested my string of questions and discovered over the space of about 10 minutes, that among many other things, she was stuck in her life and hated her job of the last 20 years. Where she worked she had had three different jobs. She was also sharing a house with 3 guys and that was getting her down. Not a happy person!
What she really wanted to be was be an actor… and had wanted to do that for the last 5 years. However… during this period of time, she had taken no acting lessons, nor attended any casting calls and had done nothing to further this dream.
She also wanted to sell because it would give her freedom. However… her only experience had been as a cashier in a retail store and had done nothing to pursue or further that profession. Nor did she seem to be interested in really pursuing it!
I summed up that this was the type of person who does not meet the criteria necessary for me to spend any time in talking about solutions.
And I didn’t. I changed the subject and prepared for another conversation with someone else. Here’s why…
While she had a problem (a difference between what she has and what she wants)… and while she expressed an external desire to change her present situation… she also expressed little or no internal desire to do so. Without internal desire there is not going to be any commitment. Without commitment there is no action.
And the only way someone can be helped is if they are prepared… to help themselves first. I don’t care how much they are in pain… you cannot help someone who does not have the personal commitment to make a change.
To do this effectively requires letting go of your need to make a sale or get someone to do something. The result of this is that you stay centered and calm because there is no longer any anxiety about your own needs having to be met. Just know that they will be. Persevere and the world will roll in ecstasy at YOUR feet!
To help you do this you will find my CD’s “Introducing Your Business and Products” very useful. They are part of my “Power Up Your Dialogue” CD series. They demonstrate how by letting go of talking about yourself and allowing your potential customers and partners talk about themselves, you can have fearless conversations and accelerate the growth of your business.
So the upshot of the coffee shop conversation was that while I did not get to present my solution, as there was no point, I did get to practice my string of new questions. Are you practicing yours?
About the Author
Michael Oliver is an internationally recognized trainer, speaker and author and the founder of Natural Selling, the only sales training program designed to really eliminate rejection and objections. Visit his blog and signup free to get blog updates by email, along with the latest news, free advice, additional resources, and a lot more! Go now to http://naturalsellingblog.com. While you're at it, check out http://www.naturalselling.com.Subscribe by email and get blog updates, news, and more!
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Perfect story Michael – just perfect!
Anyone would have jumped in there with “the solution” they think the lady is looking for.
I got your 6 day fast track CD-set from a friend years ago, and it took me 4 years where they stood in my office among books and magazines, to get started with them.
Three months ago I finally got started hearing them in my car in the morning on my way to work. And when I finished the CD-set in less than a week, I just looked myself in the mirror and asked why I didn’t do that 4 years ago.
You are a great inspiration for me in sales, and your methods has already proven right in so many situations, also in private life, political discussions etc., as well in business.
Thank you!!
Perfect story Michael – just perfect!
Anyone would have jumped in there with \"the solution\" they think the lady is looking for.
I got your 6 day fast track CD-set from a friend years ago, and it took me 4 years where they stood in my office among books and magazines, to get started with them.
Three months ago I finally got started hearing them in my car in the morning on my way to work. And when I finished the CD-set in less than a week, I just looked myself in the mirror and asked why I didn\’t do that 4 years ago.
You are a great inspiration for me in sales, and your methods has already proven right in so many situations, also in private life, political discussions etc., as well in business.
Thank you!!
So true about the jumping in or at least mentioning “the solution.” Also about the way to practice dialoguing. This is probably the hardest for me. However I am curious what you mean by “new string of Natural Selling dialogue questions.” What are these new questions?
As always, very useful and insightful.
Hi Michael,
I, like MaryBeth, am interested to learn your new string of questions. I love your work and greatly appreciate your teaching/mentoring/coaching.
This is one thing we all have trouble letting go of. People we start an otherwise great conversation with and not letting go when they are about as ready to resolve their problem as a one ton rock.
I have met very excited people and knew for sure this was “The One”, only to find out, they just like to complain.
Thanks,
Boyd Merriman
Facebook Merriman Success Team
Thanks for the reminder! Sometimes it can be challenging listening to people and all their problems, knowing that you have something that can help them and they just aren’t ready. Love your work!
Michael, Wonderful story of meeting others and asking ‘high yielding questions’ and listening to see if they are really interested in taking responsibility for where they are in their lives.
But, I think I would have asked one more question to find out what is standing in their way, like “on a scale of 1 to 10, how serious are they?”, before I made the judgement that the opportunity is for them or not.
What do you think?
Michael, Wonderful story of meeting others and asking \’high yielding questions\’ and listening to see if they are really interested in taking responsibility for where they are in their lives.
But, I think I would have asked one more question to find out what is standing in their way, like \"on a scale of 1 to 10, how serious are they?\", before I made the judgement that the opportunity is for them or not.
What do you think?
Michael –
GREAT story!!
You are SO right about the philosophers! – AND YOU have become one!
You are a veritable voice of reason countering our modern day “whirlwind” of nonsensical manipulative sales tactics.
When can we learn more of your “new string of Natural Selling dialogue questions”?
With Highest Admiration!
Dr. Carl